Sunday, November 9, 2008

More fun with pre-natal yoga.

People are always recommending pre-natal yoga. They say it's relaxing and a great way to stay limber. But mostly, they say the words that bring comfort to your ears. They say, "It'll prepare you for labor."

And they even reassuringly offer that, "Everyone can do yoga!"


I'm starting to think that I...

I suck at yoga.

We begin each class with 15 minutes of breathing. This was a concept I thought I had mastered. I mean, I can do it in my sleep and everything. The instructor worked exceptionally to motivate our breathing, telling us to, "Fill your prana with air!" and "Feel your chest rise!", as though at any minute we might lose focus and accidentally suffocate.

In her sanguine voice, she explained how important this exercise was, saying "During labor, breathing is all you have!"

I interjected, "Well, that. And drugs."

Apparently, yoga is not interactive. I did not know this, because I suck at yoga.

We moved into the Tree Pose.

Seriously. Do you have any idea what a room full of off-balanced pregnant women look like trying to do this? I began to wonder if the next instruction would be, "Now, get out your Twister mats." Luckily, we moved instead to something easier - standing with our arms and legs spread out, like a star. Or a gingerbread man. Mmm, gingerbread. Oh, sorry. Damn cravings.

Realizing that standing was something I could do for hours, I was optimistic. Just when I thought I was getting good at yoga, we are instructed to, "Let our stars shine!"

I think yoga might be my personal hell.

Later, when we assumed the Goddess Pose, which is oddly similar to the Space Invader Pose, we were asked to determine the flavor of our goddesses.

I think my goddess is bacon with a side of cake flavor. Though I'm not sure what flavor my goddess is supposed to be, I'm pretty sure that's not it.

Man, I suck at yoga.

It just never seems like it's going to end and I spend every moment envisioning that I am somewhere else. And yet, after wards I find myself laughing about it all.

What better preparation for labor could there be?

So, I think I'll keep going.

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